questionnaire

I felt stupid tonight, first time in this circumstances. I have to end it right where the shaking of the chilled body starts. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever end and sometimes I wonder how much will I still go on distracting myself with a life that is not really mine.

Am I just tired or do I need to be tired to be honest with myself? It's fading out little by little... the energy, the spark, the lie I'm telling to them all about how hapiness is the other step I take ahead...

Will it always be so hard to supress pain and fear? Will it become routine at one point? Will I ever be able to be cold and careless? To stay away from falling in love and giving myself away?

It's always filled with ups and downs and most of us finally give up the fight and choose to protect themselves with this great strong ironclad. Where is my place? Where should I go? When will I be up again?

I better go to bed... morning will have fresher air.