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She can't hide no matter how hard she tries
Her secret disguised behind the lies
And at night she crys away her pride
With eyes shut tight staring at her inside
All her friends know why she can't sleep at night
All her family askin' if she's alright
All she wants to do is get rid of this hell
Well all she's got to do is stop kiddin' herself

She can only fool herself for so long

I'm too weak to face me

YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!
YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!
YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!
YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!
YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!
YOU CAN'T GET OFF THE CAROUSEL UNTIL YOU MAKE IT STOP!

head-onism

I hope you're feeling happy now
I see you feel no pain at all it seems
I wonder what you're doin' now
I wonder if you think of me at all

Do you still play the same moves now
Or are those special moods
For someone else

I hope you're feeling happy now.

Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right
Just because you feel good
Still want you here tonight

Does laughter still discover you
I see through all those smiles
That look so right

Oh how do you remember
Me the one that made
You laugh until you cried
I hope you're feeling happy now

Just because you feel good
Doesn't make you right
Just because you feel good

Still want you here tonight

may I spend the night alone?

You know what... it kind of sucks how I always refulate over the internet, on blogs and forums, the things I don't talk about with anyone because they all find it mawkish. Sometimes reading back I seem such a different person then the others see me in "live" contact. I think I kind of guess why girls don't like me over the internet. But I will always like using words to analyze my feeelings... so not much to do about the "boringly" philosophical me. I miss Peri and the conversations I had with her... she was like me. We communicated so perfectly in this way... maybe if we met in real life, we wouldn't get along so well... but through writing, I never met anyone like her before and I don't think I will ever again. She knew how important is to face your own sadness just like you live your joy and was not rolling her eyes at anything. I miss having someone digging so deep into my thoughts. It's a warm feedback to my own search within their souls.

Ilke is too common for me. I thought she's different. I thought she has an inner universe, her own world just waiting to be discvered. But she's nothing more then what you meet on the outside.

I wonder if we do look for inner worlds only when we are unadapted to the reality next to us. You don't fit into the social context were forced to live by your provenience then you create your own context in which to feel confortable and happy. It sounds a bit like a generalization but it is only an observation.

I'm maybe uninteresting and uncool but I like my "over analyzed" world. It's safe. It's home.

I'm fucking tired... nightie night